His Rin
by Yukishiro Madoka
Summary: A single droplet of salt water squeezed its way out of his amber eye and trickled down his cheek, leaving behind a trail of sadness and love as he gazed at the small petal, so fragile and beautiful. He would always remember his Rin. [RinSess]


Disclaimer: Do you really think someone like me could own Inuyasha? T.T 

A/N. Whoopies! My first Rin/Sessh ficcie! ;) Heheh...this is more of a fatherly/daughterly relationship. :) Got inspiration from **My Immortal** and the rain. -looks out the window- Still raining...x)

Hope you likey! xD

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It wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't. 

Why her? Why was she the cursed one? Doomed to meet eternal slumber whichever path she took?

Why her...?

This girl...

Who is she?

Sometimes he forgot. He didn't want to remember her, yet he knew he had to.

She was a beautiful dream he never wanted to wake up from.

But she was a heartbreaking nightmare he wanted to wake up from and smirk in relief.

But this girl...

How could she be such a weak, little human, yet have so much power over him?

Such power that she could torment him in his sleep and in his wake?

Who...who is she?

Someone he missed with all his heart, even though his expression showed nothing. He missed her so much that his heart seemed to waver when he thought of her, mixed with his feelings of guilt and regret.

Guilt. Regret.

Could the great Lord Sesshomaru feel any regret?

But it was his fault. It was his fault she was gone.

During these cold, empty days, he couldn't stop thinking about her.

He sank to the ground slowly, allowing a cold ocean of memories to flood into his mind. By the time he slipped back into reality, despite his best efforts, a tiny droplet had found its way down his cheek. He angrily wiped it away with his sleeve, grinding his teeth together slightly.

No, he wasn't shedding tears.

He wasn't.

The sky was weeping, not him.

But why?

Why did he insist on dwelling upon this memory?

This dream...?

This nightmare...?

This girl...?

He couldn't do anything.

It was over.

It was over the moment she gathered enough courage and strength to take what was meant for him.

He couldn't change what happened.

Never.

Who is she?

Someone special in his life. Someone who had filled up the empty void in his heart with her love.

**_"When it comes to human, I, of course, bare no such weakness."_**

A vow. A stupid vow that he never kept his loyalty to.

That human girl was strong enough to make him break this vow?

He closed his eyes, welcoming the cold darkness that embraced him with a slight warmth that seemed familiar.

He again recalled his happy memories that that had so often chased him into his nightmares. Cradling a young human tenderly in his leftover arm, hearing her happy giggles, feeling the warmth of her small form, feeling the inner happiness just knowing she was there.

The girl's image flashed through his mind, blurred from his struggle to forget.

She'd been so beautiful. He'd loved her, even when they first encountered, when she came into his life with the beautiful radiance and warmth he had come to embrace willingly. He loved her personality, he loved her childish laugh, he loved her devotion and loyality, he loved the smile she showed just for him, as he did for her.

He couldn't remember her voice.

It was gone.

He couldn't remember her laugh.

It was gone.

He couldn't remember her smile.

It was gone.

He couldn't remember her.

She was gone.

He cursed inwardly, feeling a slight wetness in his eyes.

All he could remember now was what once was.

And a familiar yet unknown memory that refused to leave him alone.

**_"Can't it be that I'm afraid or is it merely I know nothing of my own limit?"_**

Afraid.

He was afraid.

Why?

She was gone.

Forever.

And he was alone.

Stranded in an empty void of darkness, the darkness that embraced him and whispered fond words that all would be right.

But no, nothing would be all right.

Never.

She was the light to his darkness, and now that the light faded, he was alone.

Again.

His thoughts drifted back to memories of the raven-haired girl, yet in his mind, he could only make out a blurred illusion of the beautiful human.

Why?

He couldn't understand why fate chose that painful destiny for her.

Couldn't they have chosen another puny human or demon to have that destiny?

Why did they choose _her? _

But he knew, deep down, that there was no such thing as fate.

Here he was, cursing at fate, but deep down, he knew it was his fault.

He made his own paths, not fate.

He chose the wrong paths, and found himself stranded in the middle of endless darkness.

She - his light - was gone.

And now, he was lost without her.

He frowned slightly, noticing the chill of the atmosphere.

He felt so cold.

It wasn't because of the rain.

So why?

Was it because the warmth of that girl was gone?

Was it?

He gritted his teeth again.

Why was she destined to be taken away from him?

She was the only thing he had.

She was the only thing who cared for him.

She was the only thing he loved.

**_"All that for a memory and a dead mortal girl. If I've known that was what it took to make you fight, I would have killed her sooner!"_**

He scorned his brother.

Inuyasha strived so hard to protect his mortal girl and her memory.

A worthless, pathetic, helpless human girl that he cared for deeply.

She was the fire that fed his anger.

And he used that against his little brother to make him fight.

That was exactly what happened to him and his mortal girl.

And now he scorned himself.

He couldn't protect her.

She was the fire that fed his anger, and the light that embraced his shadow.

And that radiant fire and light died.

It was his fault.

He was as bad as Inuyasha.

No.

No, he was worse than Inuyasha.

At least Inuyasha was able to protect his mortal girl.

What about him?

He couldn't protect her.

Instead, it was the other way around.

It was his fault.

Why did he refuse to remember?

Why was he forgetting, but remembering at the same time?

Each sickening, bitter pain of every beautiful memory hurt his heart so much that he was sure not even one hundred human years could ease the pain.

Why did it hurt so much?

He just wanted to wake up from this nightmare, to find her fast asleep beside him, perhaps curled into his tail, and smile in relief.

A smile that was only for her.

But he knew this nightmare was one that he'd never wake up from.

Because it was true.

**_"Lord Sesshomaru, we'll always be together, won't we?"_**

And he promised himself he'd be loyal to that wish.

A stupid, childish wish that would never be granted.

Together?

There was no such thing.

He was alone.

And he always would be.

He remained motionless, crying silently. No, he wasn't really crying.

Was he?

But he was crying inwardly, shedding thick layers of sadness, regret, anger, and hatred.

Curse that girl.

Why was she tormenting him like this?

He shook his head.

It's stupid.

He was the emotionless, bleak, cold Lord of the Western Lands. And here he was...crying inwardly with sadness and regret over a mortal girl.

Why did she do it?

Why did she do what she did?

Curse her!

He shook his head again, his soaked bangs flapping limply against his forehead. He sighed inwardly and gazed sadly out into the rain.

It wasn't her fault she chose to do what she did.

It wasn't.

It was Naraku's fault.

But was it really?

No, it wasn't.

Out loud, he blamed it on Naraku, because he was the cause of everyone's misery and pain.

But inside himself, he knew it was his fault.

All his fault.

He closed his eyes in an effort to block out everything, but as he did so, his mind was haunted with cruel nightmares and illusions of blissful ignorance…

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

"Leave me alone, Jaken."

Alone...

He was alone.

"Lord Sesshomaru...-"

Curse Jaken.

"Leave me alone!"

He turned on his servant, his eyes glowing red with anger as he bore his fangs slightly at the green imp, as he had done to _her _when they first encountered. Remembering that made his heart twist with pain and remembrance.

Jaken backed away slightly, trembling a bit from fear, but a determined look glazed in his large, yellow eyes as he stared back at his angered lord.

Curse Jaken!

It was his fault.

No!

It was his fault, not Jaken's.

He had to stop blaming everyone.

It wasn't Naraku's fault.

It wasn't her fault.

It wasn't Jaken's fault.

It was his fault.

His fault.

Jaken watched him, his green face expressionless yet showing traces of sadness and pity.

At least one person shared his pain.

Well...a bit of his pain.

He was the only one who truly cared.

He was the only one who really loved her.

He was the only one who would be doomed to face a lifetime of emptiness and pain.

Slowly, his anger calmed and faded gradually, only to be replaced with sadness once more. The blood-red glow in his eyes faded to reveal glistening, amber pools of sorrow.

He turned his back on Jaken and stared blankly at the cherry blossom tree that stood nearby, stretching its long branches, its small buds and blossomed flowers gleaming in the sparkly rain.

She loved cherry blossoms.

They were her favorite flowers.

A single droplet of water trickled slowly down his cheek, but he was certain it was only the rain.

Jaken then spoke the words that the lord himself had whispered to himself these past months, trying to believe, trying to convince himself why he would never see her again.

"I'm sorry, Lord Sesshomaru. But Rin's dead. She's gone, and you can't bring her back."

Rin...?

_Rin..._

Yes, he remembered now, willingly yet against his will.

That was her name.

She was Rin.

She was dead.

The soft footsteps of his servant faded away, but he didn't notice. He gazed wistfully at the cherry blossom tree, the beautiful flowers that Rin loved, the cherry blossom tree that they called their sanctuary.

Rin's smiling, happy face flashed upon the cherry blossom tree, so beautiful and true that he wanted to reach out and touch her, to make sure she was real.

She vanished, as his bitter hope did.

She was gone.

He couldn't bring her back.

Curse Tensaiga!

Tensaiga no longer posessed the ability to bring the dead back.

Curse Tensaiga...

He shook his head again, clearing his mind of angry, blaming thoughts. He raised Tensaiga slowly, his cold, bleak reflection staring bitterly back at him in the blade. He thrust it away rather angrily and bitterly, closing his eyes in a vainattempt to block out everything.

No, it wasn't Tensaiga's fault.

If he protected Rin, he wouldn't even need to use Tensaiga.

He closed his eyes, recollecting his beautiful memories of the happy times they spent together.

He'd never understand why Rin was the one destined to protect him, or why she died protecting him. He'd never understand why Rin was taken from him or why she only lived for a short time. He'd never understand why they couldn't be together, or why he couldn't watch her grow. He'd never understand why he had to see her once happy form in such pain, or why he'd never see her walking, talking, laughing, or smiling again.

**_"If Rin should ever die, will you please never forget about me, Lord Sesshomaru?"_**

He had thought that was a foolish wish.

But now, he didn't care.

This was Rin's wish.

This would be a wish that he'd be loyal to forever.

This was a wish that he would grant for her.

He would never forget.

Rin saved him. She taught him how to love, how to live, how to make the right choices and choose the right paths.

And he'd always miss her. But her love...is like the wind. He couldn't see it, but he could always feel it.

That same warmth, the warmth that only Rin could give him.

He could remember now.

And he would always.

Rin wasn't as unfamiliar or confusing or blurred as she had been before.

He could always feel the warmth that she alone could give him. He could always hear her happy laugh and childish voice. He could always see her angelic face, or her heavenly smile. He could always feel the silky strands of her raven hair. He could always feel the tender touch of her warm and soft skin against his own. He could always see those beautiful, hazel orbs that held the love she held for him, the love he'd cherish forever.

Yes, she was dead. But not dead in his memory.

Immortality was meant for demons, not humans.

He was sad, knowing that he would never watch her grow and become a woman. But he couldn't stop her death. She was mortal.

But she was immortal in his eyes, his mind, and his heart.

A pink petal dropped from the tree and drifted into the air, only to be captured in his palm. A single droplet of salt water squeezed its way out of his amber eye and trickled down his cheek, leaving behind a trail of sadness and love as he gazed at the small petal, so fragile and beautiful...

Like Rin.

His Rin.

He would always remember his Rin.

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A/N. Seee, even though Sessh is a big ice cube, he can still be a softy and he can still cry. xD


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